SPECTACLE D'OISEAU OR MONDAY

The test of every holiday with younglings is the zoo/fun park. I have done Festyland in Normandy, it was a crock of utter dolt, so the French benchmark is approximately at my ankles.

However, dutifully we set off for Branféré. OMG and all the other teen abbreviations. This place is brilliant. Not only are there continual island after island of monkeys from capuchin to some other kind of mini Sasquatch primate – but there was the Spectacle d'Oiseau . Now, call me a cynic, but I have seen ‘so called’ bird shows before in the UK and the consisted of a couple of rabid looking owls and a kestrel with alopecia. This show started with great promise. Any Gallic bird handler who has the sheer cojones to open his act with the soundtrack to Braveheart gets my attention immediately. First out of the trap was an owl. Hmm thinketh I…. an owl…. But this is swiftly followed by two eagles, a plethora of parrots, kestrels, cranes, more eagles, more parrots, parakeets, cockatoos, storks, flamingos, a freakin vulture! pelicans and then finally a dodo! OK the last one was a lie, but still, if one had waddled out and pecked at my face you would not have seen surprise in my eyebrows. At one moment we were showered with dead mice bits in order to attract the vulture to fly over to us (note over to us, not over us). The Spectacle d'Oiseau  lived up to every syllable in its title, a feast of feather, a beauty of beaks, a tumultuous tirade of tails.

I had no idea just how big these birds are. Seriously, it looked at me
with a real hunger in its eyes then moved to the fat French guy next to me about
 to have a heart attack. Wowsers.

Then we wandered of to be attacked by goats, deer, wallabies, hippos, giraffes, and so on and so on. Then to the grand finale of the park, the official fun bit. The netting strung way above the ground, from tree to tree, for you and the kids to climb along.

Me and Blondie silhouetted against the early morning sun.

This is one of the ‘test of a parent’ moments. I hate heights. I cannot climb a ladder without the use of a tena lady. I really really really hate heights. But I had to go with our kids up this extremely fragile looking bit of netting stung at least 60’ above the ground. I hated every second of it. Obviously Ginger and Blondie loved every second of it, including the moment when we passed the man mending the netting as we walked over it. Kids eh? Ha. (weirdoes).

This. Is. Not. Fun. Look at it.

The day was a good day, with plenty of sun and a brief sighting of the most tasteful 1950s style circus we have ever seen (think Tim Burton’s Big Fish) . Curious French things spotted today are:

• The French have an odd sense of priority when it comes to child health and safety. All swimming pools require a gate however they will let their infants dangle on precariously thin netting 60’ above the ground DURING A MAINTENANCE SESSION!
• The French are kings of Bird Spectaculars. They have proved this irrefutably
• The croissant cannot be replicated to the same standard outside of French territory.


Wine consumption by this point is high to average.