I HAVE TO GIVE SENSIBLE ANSWERS TO MY KIDS OR THE END OF BULLSHIT

It has finally happened. The period of bullshitting our kids has come to an end. Here are a couple of examples that I have been shot down with recently.

Ginger: Can the tooth fairy carry paper money?
Me: No, the wind tends to catch it and they get blown off course and often into lawn mowers tearing their tiny limbs apart, and you wouldn’t want to be responsible for that by just being greedy would you?
Ginger: Actually, I am not being greedy, paper money is lighter than metal money. They could fold it up. And nobody cuts their grass at night.

some marketing genius has taken tooth and fairy and created a scary soft hybrid

And


Blondie: Can I ask Father Christmas for a computer?
Me: Oh course not, he is old, does he look like the kind of man who could build a computer? Asking him to will only embarrass him and he will spend hours worrying about it when he could be making toys for other children. This will mean that your request prevents hundreds, possibly thousands of other children from getting presents and you wouldn’t want to be responsible for that would you?
Blondie: That is why I am asking now. Christmas is ages away. He doesn’t get busy until after the Summer and Granny can use a computer.

I am pretty sure this is the kind of computer she had in mind, thus justifying my response

It is also the small crap you say to divert a needless purchase like Moshi Monster cards;

Me: Oh you don't need those Moshi Monster cards, I have asked the shop guy and he says the ones in the packet are the ones you already have.
Ginger: You are lying Daddy. Stop lying to me.
Me: (in my head only) It isn't my lies you have to worry about, it is the lies of the 'system' the lies of men and women in positions of power that will screw you over. (perhaps too harsh for a seven year old).

or the tiny lies you spout to prevent having to invite the dreadful child that has somehow become their friend from coming round;

Me: OK, but we are a bit busy right now, but I will promise I will speak to her Mum and we can invite her round next week.
Blondie: You said that last week. You always break your promises. We are not busy, Mummy asked you to put up the pictures and you are still slying on the sofa.
Me: (in my head only) Get used to it kid, you have no idea what promises me and your Mum are going to break when you are old enough to start dating people.

It has become apparent that all these excuses and nano-lies are now being logged in their tiny little minds and are jockying in readiness to be hurled back at us with exocet precision at a moment when they will do the most damage. What is worse is they are shaming us, and in public now.

I have to change my gameplan a little, it is truth versus inoccence time once again.