DON'T BE TOO OBVIOUS, IT HURTS MY HEAD

Sometimes I think I talk a different language to the rest of the world. It isn’t that I am looking for a hidden agenda in everything that people say (I am, there is always one). It isn’t that I am slow on the uptake (I am my wife says so on a regular basis). It isn’t that I am a genius with lightening quick reflexive thought patterns that sometimes ascend beyond the mundane and therefore do not dwell long enough on simple matters in order for me to comprehend or even make space for in my vast electrically overactive frontal lobe (I leave a little space here for those who know me to dispute this (               )). I think sometimes I just don’t get what people are saying.


My life can be at times akin to staring at those magic eye pictures from the early 90’s, whilst everyone around me is cooing at the sight of an elephant riding in a hot air balloon all I am doing in considering my next eye appointment due to the bulging corneal pain I have just developed.

I am told this is a shark - it may as well be David Cameron in a mankini as far as I can tell (pic courtesy of iffcool.com)

I once stood looking at a shop name for about 10 minutes wondering why they had given it such a stupid name that wasn’t even a word, it was called Eatalian’s. Yes I know now! But that is what I am sometimes up against. You can’t go around playing fast and loose with the obvious. There is a group of people that just don’t get it, or maybe not a group, maybe it is just me.

I see Eat Alien - the colours didn't seem to help me

About a decade ago I was introduced to the term ‘Blue Sky Thinking’. For the entire meeting I tried without success to align what we were talking about with its meteorological significance. It may surprise you that I couldn’t draw a correlation between ticket pricing and a lack of clouds. That day hurt my head quite badly.




A ticket - this generally has nothing to do with the sky, even when the sky is blue and available for thought



A blue sky - apparently available for thought

As a result many things pass me by. So if you see me standing in the street looking at a KFC do me the kindness to just tell me what it stands for. Or if you find yourself in a meeting with me, use small words that mean something.